You may or may not know this but I've always had a thing for learning about personalities and knowing why people act the way they do. That's why I majored in psychology in college.....not that I'm doing anything with it now lol Anyway! I've read some really great books on different personality types and when I read Dr. Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages", it was very eye opening. I completely recommend this book to anyone...married, engaged, single, whatever. You can even go to the website and take the quiz to see which love language you are. If you are married or engaged...have your spouse/fiancé take the quiz too.
Everyone feels love in different ways. We're all very different. And your love language can change over time. Mine did! The book also talks about how people typically show love through their own love language as well. It's not always the case necessarily but I see it more now that mine has changed. We all have "love tanks" and if people close to us show us love through our love language, our tanks are filled. It's not a scientific thing...it's common sense really but the point is to figure out how to show love to others in the way that they need it.
The 5 Love Languages are as follows (in order of my own scores...there are 30 questions)...
1) Acts of Service- Do you feel loved when someone does something for you? This is my big one. It didn't use to be (before I got married or as a newlywed) but now, it does my heart good for Darren to clean up or just take something off my plate without me having to ask and sound like a nag. This is actually his love language as well (funny how that works). My score= 12
2) Words of Affirmation- Does it make you feel good to get a compliment? Or if someone tells you how great of a job you are doing...or thanks you for something, etc? If this is something that you NEED, your love language may be words of affirmation. This one is my second highest one. Although, I do have a hard time taking a compliment but that's a self-esteem thing. My score= 6
3) Physical Touch- I know a lot of huggers or people who will reach out and touch your arm or shoulder while they are talking to you (not in a harassment sort of way mind you). I don't really do this with other people. I like to hold hands with Darren. I like hugs. Is that what makes me feel the most love? Not really. But a lot of people need that. My score= 5
4) Receiving Gifts- Who doesn't like to receive gifts?? But some people do enjoy it more than others and that is how they feel loved. For me...although I do love to receive gifts, it's difficult for me to accept them and not feel like I have to do something in return or I feel guilty for it. Does that make sense? My score= 4
5) Quality Time- Undivided attention. This can be a tough one if it isn't your love language but it is your spouse's. Turn off the tv and take your eyes off of your phone for a little while and just spend some time together. This was my lowest scoring love language. Does that make me shallow? lol My score= 3
So go take the quiz! It's nice to know what your friends' love languages are also. It's not a romantic love type of thing. So feel free to comment and tell me what your love language is and if you agree with it or not. Make sure to answer the questions honestly though!
Dr. Gary Chapman also wrote corresponding books like The 5 Love Languages of Children, The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers, The 5 Languages of Apology (I own this...need to read it), The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (need this!), God Speaks Your Love Language, etc. He also wrote 101 Conversation Starters for Couples and for Families...I need to get those!
That's all for Marriage Monday :) I might blog again this evening with an update on stuff. We'll see!