Thursday, June 27, 2013

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror on the wall....why can't I see myself the way others see me??  Unless everyone is just lying to me lol then that's a whole 'nother issue! :)

I posted my 3 month progress pictures on my progress page (click link or tab above) and I really can't see a difference.  I mean....I lost 10 lbs and 8.25 inches from my last set of pictures just a month ago.  That should be a big deal...8.25 inches!  Maybe it's just me.  I do need to get some new jeans.  The ones I have now are too big.  I bought some at goodwill but they are still a size or so too small so it will be a while before I wear them.  I have to figure out what I'm going to wear when we have our photoshoot in a couple of weeks.  I'm nervous but excited at the same time.  Kristin and Aaron are amazing photographers ( so I completely trust them.  Maybe I can do 2 outfits.  We haven't had our pictures done by them in 2 years or so I think.

And by the way....since I'm talking about pictures, I'm just going to step on my soapbox for a minute.  For those of you that have children especially, please please please make sure to get family pictures done at least once a year.  And those of you without children....take pictures anyway! I have just a small number of pictures of my parents when they were newly weds.  There are photographers out the wazoo now-a-days....and those that claim to be photographers who just bought a "nice" camera.  Whoever you choose, just get some pictures done (although I 100% support professional photographers!).  I look back on pictures from my childhood and I really don't have a lot of pictures of my parents and I really hate that.  Even if you think you need to lose weight before having pictures done or you're waiting on something else...whatever it may be....stop waiting!  Life is too short.  It would really suck for something to happen and you are left with no captured memories of someone you love dearly.  I would have loved to have had more pictures of my parents from when I was a little kid but my mom was either the one taking the picture or she didn't feel comfortable about herself to get in it so now I only have a handful.  You can't get those years back.  When we had our photography business, it really made me so sad to hear people who had gone 5-10 years without having family pictures made.  That's a long time.  So many changes.  I know we are in the age of iphones and such but the quality of a professional (and I emphasize professional for a reason) photographer is priceless.  You really do get what you pay for.  If you can't afford it, I know for a fact that there are great photographers everywhere that offer specials at certain times of the year because I did it myself.  Oh....and stay away from Portrait Innovations or those types of studios.  Get a lifestyle portrait photographer where you will actually have fun during the session and can incorporate things that are personal to your family.  Throw grandma and grandpa in there too.  Seriously.  Ok.....stepping down.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Catching Up

It's been about a week and a half since I last posted.  I thought I'd be able to update while I was in Florida but there really was not enough time in the day.  However, I did have a wonderful time.  It was a lot of you can't really beat camp on a beautiful Florida beach.  There wasn't much time to relax but I did try to just chill some.  I think I'm still trying to recoup actually.  My friend that I sat next to on the way down and back up was sick so I'm pretty sure I caught whatever icky virus she had or maybe I just have a cold....idk.  The camp theme this year was "GreaterLess".  Figuring out the things that we put ahead of God and making them less in order to make Him Greater.  It was really great (ok that was a little redundant).  Some people put positive things above God.  I put my stress above Him.  He's so much Greater than any problem or stress that I can possibly face.  So with that and with my counseling became very clear to me to just give it all to Him.  And although I don't know what will happen in the future...that's what I've chosen to do.  Just trust in Him to take care of these things that I dwell on and spend so much of my thoughts and energy on.

I didn't quite hit my goal of 60lbs while I was gone but I'm pretty darn close.  I'm at -58.8lbs :)  I've had a lot of people tell me how great I look.  I've really got to learn to take a compliment.....and with a smile on my face.  I just feel like when I try to dress up or something that it looks like I'm trying too hard and therefore I end up looking worse.  Ugh.  Why do I do that to myself?  It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't worked out in a month!  Shame on me!  I'm trying not to beat myself up over it.  As soon as I'm not having to blow or wipe my nose every 2 seconds, I'll be back in the boxing club.

I'm really excited.  My photographer friends only do sessions a few times a year because they are so busy with their wedding clients.  I told Darren the next time they do one of their "tour" dates (they schedule 2 days where they book up sessions for those days only) that I was jumping on it.  Well.  We are doing a session on July 14.  That will be just under 4 months from my surgery.  But that's also only 2.5 weeks away!  So I've got to get my butt in gear.  The location where they are going to do them is really cool and I've been wanting to go there for a while.  After this session, the next session I do, I want it to be "urban" or downtown somewhere rather than out in nature  lol  I'm thinking that will be this fall some time.  I have to figure out what I'm going to wear.  That will be the hard part for me because I have that whole skewed view of myself and I don't want to end up regretting what I pick out.  I may pick out a few outfits and put them on and take a picture and send it to Kristin (photographer) and get her to help me  lol

Speaking of pictures.  I'm late on my 3 month progress pictures.  I'm having Darren take them tonight since I was out of town last week and over the weekend and I like to do them in the same exact spot with the same type of clothes (jeans and a black tank top/spaghetti strap).  I did do my measurements on Monday though and I've lost another 4.5 inches for a total of 32.75 inches gone forever.  8 inches just in my waist...6.5 in my hips.  So I'm definitely proud of myself for that.

I've just got to work on this whole working out thing.  It's like I've lost my mental determination to get in there and work out.  I need to find that again asap.  My arms and stomach could really use some major toning and it isn't just going to happen on it's own.  Obviously I know I won't be able to fix this by the time I have our photo shoot but I will set my goals for December when we go on our cruise.  No bat wings for me and no donut around my belly button.  I know that sounds really weird right?  But if I wear a shirt that is a little too tight (in my opinion), then all I see is this donut looking thing on my stomach surrounding my belly button.  So here's to crunches, twists, planks, etc.  Blah.

Just a quick update on the house thing.  They've received notice to go ahead and move out.  They have until the end of July.  They didn't put up a fight because they kind of knew something was up when we wanted to do the inspection.  My property manager basically reminded them that we are having to do this because of the financial burden they have caused us.  Darren and I walked around Lowe's a bit on Sunday to try and figure out how much we would need to spend to spruce things up a bit.  The carpet has been bad since we bought it so we will go ahead and replace that in the bedrooms (we put laminate down in the whole living area a couple years ago so thankfully we don't need to replace that), paint the entire living area (living room, foyer, dining room, kitchen, breakfast's all open to each other), replace master bedroom door and frame and replace the frame on the back door, and pressure wash the outside.  We're looking at about $1500.  But we are trying to look at things as a perspective buyer would.  If we were looking at houses, carpet that would have to be replaced right away would be an issue for us because we wouldn't have the extra money to do it so we thought that may help.  Painting is another thing.  Everything looks better (and smells better) with a fresh coat of paint.  Unfortunately $1500 is a lot of money and that will take quite a bit of our savings that we will be using as a cushion while the house is on the market with no one paying anything.  But I'm not going to worry about it.  I'll think of everything a month at a time and not too far in the future.

Ok....well how was that for a bunch of random stuff. :)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Changing Perspective

First of all, I'm watching Pride and Prejudice for the second time this weekend  lol  I love the version with Keira Knightley and Matthew MacFadyen.  I don't usually like movies that are set in this time period for some reason but there's something about this particular movie that I just love.  I should probably read the book.

Thursday, I did an owner inspection of our house with my property manager.  Darren wasn't able to make it and that was probably best anyway.  It was very awkward.  The renters refused to leave in order for us to see it in private which I found very rude.  So we had to walk around the house with them kind of following us around.  Honestly, if I had met these people when they first wanted to rent the house....I wouldn't have agreed to it.  I also wasn't happy about the condition of the house.  There is no way that we will be able to put the house on the market with them living in it.  There was stuff EVERYWHERE! and their dog had chewed at some dry rot that was beginning to appear on the door frame leading out to the back porch so the  backdoor will need to be replaced.  The door in the master bedroom will also need to be replaced.  I came home from the inspection and just sat down and cried.  The people who can't afford their rent have a suburban sitting in the garage that I'm sure is newer than even my own car plus another older suburban sitting out front.  Please explain to me why you would buy the biggest gas guzzler you can find when you CAN'T AFFORD YOUR RENT!  It's just beyond me.  So once I had finished crying, I wrote my property manager and explained to her that I was not happy about the house and I'd like to go ahead and give them 30 days notice to get out.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my counselor.  We talked a lot about the stress that I'm under with the house situation and our finances.  She told me that I needed to change my perspective and change what I'm praying for.  I've been very selfish in my prayers about this whole thing.  I've been praying for God to sell our house quickly once we are able to get it on the market because I feel like that is what would be best for us and it would take a lot of stress off of me.  She suggested that I think of it differently.  That I need to pray for God to work in the situation that will in turn bring him the most glory.  I need to give the house to him and show us how he can use it.  Whether that be renting it again or to sell it.  Either way, to help us prepare for the family that will move into it.  And while we are fixing it up, do it as a service to God.  So while we are replacing the doors or painting the walls, instead of harboring ill feelings towards the people that left it that way, think of it as a service.  I'm hoping by doing this, i truly can give all of this to God and stop taking it back only to stress about it.  I know He's got this and I don't have anything to worry about.  I don't know why I torture myself with this stuff.

Tomorrow, I leave for Panama City Beach.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to get out of the office and get paid for it.  I know I'll probably get home sick.  Darren isn't able to go and it's been a long time since we've been apart for so long.  But at least I know I will be very occupied.  I always get anxious when it comes to doing stuff like this because I feel like I have to be doing something all the time.  But I'm only going to take pictures and surely no one expects me to take pictures 24/7.  I was already told to bring my A game for volleyball so I am looking forward to that.  It's an everyday thing down there.  So at least I'll be getting my exercise.  Then there's the beach.  It'll be nice to go out on the beach and do my quiet time.  

As soon as I get back on Friday, we'll be heading to the beach for a family reunion.  I'm not looking forward to the family reunion itself but I'm looking forward to being able to spend some time with my family on the beach and at the pool.  Hopefully I can relax and get some great pictures.

I have my 3 month follow-up visit at my surgeon's office next Monday.  I won't be able to weigh for a whole week before that  lol yikes!  But I've already acheived the goal that they gave me for my visit so that's good. I'm down 55lbs total.  I'm hoping to be down 60 by then with all the sweating i'll be doing and the volleyball and walks on the beach and playing in the pool.  surely :)  I'll have to take a lot of protein shakes and bars with me so I'm not tempted to eat some of the things that the kids will be eating.

Ok.  That's all I've got. :)  "You have bewitched me body and soul"

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

How Do You Celebrate?

I really like these questions that All The Weigh does every Monday.  She calls them Friend Makin' Monday.  However, as you can is Wednesday.  But what the hay, I'm going to do it today anyway :)  (hey that rhymes!) If you want to participate on your own blog, feel free to copy the questions and then make sure to head over to All the Weigh's blog and post a link....since that is the whole point.

How Do You Celebrate?

1. When is your birthday? April 6, next year is the big 3-0....yuck!

2.  Do you like to celebrate it or do you prefer to keep it quiet?  Well to be honest, I love to celebrate it.  However, in recent years, we haven't really had any money and I have a hard time justifying spending money on myself anyway so I've downplayed it quite a bit.  Sucks being poor lol

3. Have you ever had a surprise party?  No. Never. It would be nice for someone to actually put some forethought into giving me one though.  I'm pretty sure I've already hinted around to the fact that turning 30 would be a great opportunity for a big surprise party :) 

4. What sign are you?  Does it represent you well?  I'm an Aries and other than knowing that, I know nothing about all the sign crap.

5.  Do you tell the truth about your age?  Why lie?

6.  Share your best birthday memory.  Wish I could say I had one.  I know that sounds really sad.  Probably a birthday party from when I was a kid....that I probably had to help plan in order for it to get done  lol

7.  Share a few items that could be on your birthday wishlist.  Well...these aren't exactly on my birthday wish list per say but just on my general wish list for when I have some money.  New clothes, new camera (point and shoot), ipad mini, and a vacation involving getting on an airplane to go somewhere would be really nice :) and on my birthday wishlist is to be pregnant because how fun would that be to tell everyone at my birthday party?  I mean....I'm already going to be surrounded (in theory and wishful thinking) by all of my loved ones so why not! :)  Can you tell I've thought about that one?  I told Darren about my master plan the other night and he's like "umm...ok" hah

8.  What is your favorite kind of cake?  hmm. I love yellow layered cake with home made chocolate icing like my grandma used to make....sans the toothpicks she had to use to keep it together  lol  good family joke though :)  I also like strawberry cake with cream cheese icing.  As long as it doesn't have coconut in it...we're good! hah

9.  If you could be anywhere on your next birthday, where would you be?  Let's just say I have a vision for what my ideal surprise birthday party would be and that's where I want to be.  I have a whole pinterest board devoted to party d├ęcor and most of it includes lots of twinkle lights, candles, and paper lanterns....and nicely decorated tables with chevron patterned runners.  I will keep hinting until we get closer and then I will call in reinforcements to help  lol

10.  Do you make a wish when you blow out the candles?  you know, I've never really done that.  weird.  and I don't think I've blown out candles since I was 16 maybe.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Full weekend

I finally made a progress page.  Hopefully I'll actually keep up with it.  I've done pretty well with keeping up with my progress pictures and my measurements so that's good.  I think it's so important to do them.

I went to Goodwill yesterday for the first time to actually shop.  I ended up buying 10 pair of pants...5 jeans and 5 dress pants.  I knew I wouldn't be able to wear them all but I figured if I could at least wear a couple now and then work my way into the others.  I live in a pretty wealthy area (certainly not because I'm wealthy by any way...I live in an apartment) so the Goodwill nearby has a lot of name brand clothes.  In the pants that I got, there is Ralph Lauren, Banana Republic, Seven7, and NY&C.  The Banana Republic will just have to sit in my closet for many months because they are a size 12 and I'm no wear remotely close to that  lol  I just liked the way they looked and figured for $5...why can't they be my goal pants? :)  and...10 pair of pants for $48.50.  That's about what I would pay for one pair on sale at Lane Bryant.  For reals.  Honestly, I only went because Darren went with me and he helped me look through all the racks.  I despise clearance racks so you can imagine how much I disliked that!  Probably from all those years of working in retail hah  I came home and tried them on and most of them don't fit but they fit in all different ways.  A couple fit now, a couple are just a lil' snug, and a couple will be a few months down the road.  I did manage to button a size 16 which is a pretty huge NSV (non scale victory) in my opinion.

We went to the zoo yesterday also.  That was fun.  Below are a few pictures I took.  I got to feed the giraffe :)  That was pretty cool even if I did pay $2 for a few pieces of lettuce in order to do it  lol.

Sea turtles are my favorite under water creatures.  I think they are so cool.  But really...It's probably just because of Finding Nemo  lol  "Dude!"
I'm going this week to do an inspection of our house.  I'm nervous about it.  They are finding out soon that we'd like to put the house on the market with them in it.  I'm hoping they will work with us since we've been so gracious to work with them.  I'm praying for a miracle in all areas.  If you don't mind doing the same...that would be awesome :)
Today was volleyball of course.  The way the league works is that we play the best 3 out of 5 games.  We played the best team today and it was CLOSE!  Like...we both won 2 games and the last game was within a point!  But we won!  Whew....hopefully the rest of them won't be so close.
Later gaters ;)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Stuck in a rut

I have been stuck in such a rut lately.  I don't know how to overcome it.  With all the stress from the renter situation and our financial situation added on top of wacked out hormones....I just can't seem to get a grip on myself.  I haven't been boxing or doing any exercise in 2 weeks.  That's way too long.  Tonight is kickboxing and I really don't enjoy the kickboxing like I do boxing so instead, I'm going to walk my butt down to the fitness center at my apartment and do the workout that my trainer friend gave me to do. 

I watched Extreme Weight Loss last night.  I've never really watched it before and it was interesting.  The girl was 314 pounds and her goal was 155.  She reached her goal by the end of the show of course so she was able to go have surgery to remove her skin on her stomach.  She really got into running and crossfit.  It kind of made me want to think about training for a 5k again.  When I say again....I mean thinking about it again lol  I've never actually done one.  I know that our missions pastor is going to put together a 5k for this October to raise money for an area in Uganda.  Maybe I can be ready to run it by then.  I think it's my lung capacity that keeps me from being able to run.  I can work through the pain in my legs or body but I can't seem to breathe properly enough to run for more than a minute.  I know I need to try C25K or whatever it's called.  I even downloaded the app hah.

Another thing I can do is swimming.  I have a pool just down the stairs from my apartment.  I've been out there twice now....but mainly just to lay out.  Although Saturday when we went out, we did play with a beach ball for a while and that took some effort  lol  But if I could take advantage of that resource for the summer and go out there even 2 or 3 evenings a week to swim for 30 minutes or so.  I know that's a great exercise.

I definitely need to start writing down my plans and my goals.  I haven't really set goals for myself mainly because I'm afraid of failing.  I need to get over that.  But I need my goals to be realistic and not necessarily based on numbers on the scale.  I've reached the goal that my PA set for me to reach by my next appointment already.  She wanted me to lose 22 pounds by the time I came back on June 24.  Well it's only June 5 and I've already passed that which really is awesome.

I'm going to camp with the high schoolers in a week and a half.  I will be playing lots of volleyball, swimming, and playing on the beach (Panama City Beach! woo!).  I know I will get a good amount of exercise that week and be plum exhausted by the time it's over.  Then as soon as we pull in the parking lot from there, I'll be headed down to a family reunion to see people I've never met before and to see people who definitely haven't seen me in months (since Christmas really).  So that should be interesting.  I'll also be playing in the pool quite a bit that weekend too :)  Then I'll go for my 3 month follow up on the way home from the beach.

Another thing to work water intake.  It has really sucked.  I don't know how people do it.  I'm good if I get 40 ounces a day and I know that hinders my weight loss and effects my body in a lot of ways.  I don't know how to drink more.  Especially since you're supposed to stop drinking 15 minutes before and 30 minutes after you eat.  I guess I need to set a time on my phone or something  lol

So I guess my goals are:
1) exercise at least 4 days a week (boxing, swimming, strength training, jogging).  I'm not hurting anyone else but myself if I don't do that!  That should be motivation enough....not to mention my bat wings lol
2) Increase my water intake....a lot!
3) Feel good about my success so far.  I mean....52lbs.  I've never lost 52lbs before.  And I'm at a weight that I really don't remember being in probably 8 or 9 years.  Surely I can be proud of that.
4) Be better about tracking my food in MFP.  Make better choices.  I'm still keeping my carbs down pretty well but I need to choose 2 oz of veggies over an Atkins bar or something.  Unfortunately I'm a sucker for convenience.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Lesson Learned

We made the decision to get one month's rent and give our renters 30 days to get out of the house.  I'm nervous about how they will react.  I'm nervous about the condition of the house once they are out and they fact that we will have to go in and clean up after someone else...ick.  Then we are going to put our house on the market and pray for a miracle.  Pray that the house sells quickly and for what we need it to sell for in order to cover what we owe as well as all the fees associated with selling a house.  There was no security deposit given because our property manager dropped the ball.  When they moved in, we were going to allow them to pay $600 one month and $600 the next in order to cover the security deposit.  They never paid and evidently she didn't remind them.  So we will be out $3600 and she will be out another $1200.  It really makes me sick to think about but I'm just praying that it all works out one way or another.  I have learned several lessons from this situation.  Lessons that I guess maybe I wouldn't have learned had we not gone through all of this?  Unfortunately it's yet another time that I've been burned and I'm hoping I'm not going to end up not being able to trust anyone that I meet.  The stress that will be off of me if we are able to sell will be HUGE! GINOURMOUS even!  This has been a thorn in my side for over a year and a half when we initially made the decision to rent it out.  We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into.  We also didn't take enough time to think about it and pray about it.  I think that God allows us to go through situations to learn lessons and to make better decisions in the future.  Lesson learned for sure.

On another topic....I'm down 52lbs.  I can't believe it.  I'm still not really seeing it in myself.  I haven't been boxing or doing any activity (other than volleyball and playing in the pool a couple days) in 2 weeks!  I've just been so stressed.  I know that's a horrible excuse since exercise helps relieve stress.  idk.  I think once we hear back about how the renters reacted to moving out, I'll be able to relax a little and not have it consume my every thought.  Another thing.  While they are very baggy, I am still wearing all my old pants.  I have tried on a smaller size a couple times but am definitely not ready to buy any smaller pants.  I find that a little discouraging.  I guess technically I can wear a smaller size if I don't mind them being tight around my stomach but I hate that so I just choose not to.  I have like 1 pair of pants that looks ok even though they are too big.  So I wear those a couple times and then wear a dress or skirt or whatnot.  I do however have a few regular XL shirts so that's encouraging.  Most of them are very baggy in the way they are made though so maybe that doesn't even count lol

Anyway.  That's where my mind is.