Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Getting ahead of myself

I know. I know. I know this process is not going to happen overnight but I can't help but to think "COME ON! HURRY UP!" lol  I haven't been able to walk into a "normal" store in oh I'd say about 11 years...maybe 12.  Aka...I was 16/17 (junior year) and had lost some weight because I cut meat and bad things out of my diet and was at the gym twice a day killin' it.  I could wear like a 14/16 and thought I was fat.  Who wouldn't when you're in high school and all your friends are complaining about how they need to lose weight when they wear a size 2.  UGH.  Makes me SICK! 

Anyway. So today, I was perusing the internet looking at dresses and such for when I am thin and tan and gorgeous lol  I looked at the size chart of one of the places that I do remember being able to shop in and thought "When the HECK was I ever THAT size?"  It's been that long ago that I really can't remember walking in and grabbing something off the rack and actually being able to wear it and fasten it and not have icky curves smashing out everywhere or buttons threatening to pop off.  I mean.....curves are nice and all but only when they are in the right spots, am I right?  thought so.  However, I have also determined that once I can actually wear what I want, I'm going to need a second job!

And no....I did NOT have this surgery so I could wear cute clothes.  It's just one of the many perks of getting healthy and in shape.  So no judging. Capisce?  Cool :)

Oh.  And add in the fact that I have major baby fever.  And it's no longer just "oh that's so cute" or "oh what a cute baby".  It's a longing in my heart.  I know it will happen when it's supposed to and I don't want to rush it for my health's sake but I can't wait to have a lil' one of our own.  I'm sure I'm not the only 29 yr old childless woman that thinks that way.  It will happen one way or another :)  God knows what I need so much more than I do so I will trust Him.

Monday, April 29, 2013

MOVE that body....

So apparently there is something to this whole "staying active" thing.  SAY WHAT??  I started boxing last week.  I boxed 2 nights, did a treadmill/elliptical/free weights mix 1 night, went bowling, and played 2 hours of volleyball...all since Tuesday.  And now I'm down 32.5 pounds.  You would think that would be enough for me to say "HECK YEH.....I'm going to exercise EVERYDAY!" haha....yeh right.  I'm still going to have to MAKE myself do anything.  I haven't gotten to the point where I feel like I enjoy the exercise.  I can't keep up with the warm ups in boxing but I do my darndest (is that a word?) to make it through the class.  It's intense though and my body pretty much feels like jello by the end.  However......

So there's that.  And that's a pretty big deal.  And on my phone, I have the one that says "You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow....you choose."  I'd like to always say that I'm doing to pick the first one.  I know that won't always be the case and I'll get super lazy.  Heck, I went boxing Friday evening and fell asleep on the couch beforehand while waiting for the time to leave for it.  Of course....I do think I'm borderline narcoleptic but hey, we all have our quirks right? ;)
Oh. Did I mention that when I went to the doctor last week for my one month appointment that my blood pressure was NORMAL??  Without any meds?  I was amazed and that right there made my entire surgery worth it.  I had taking medications.  I thank God every single day for this opportunity and for every ounce that I loose because I know that's just one more step to becoming a healthier me. :)

Friday, April 26, 2013

Things I Won't Miss About Being Fat

Some of these are actually pretty sad if you really think about it but if you've been there, done that.... you know exactly where I'm coming from.  Some of these are more psychological than anything I think but they are things I'm personally overcoming.  Feel free to add any in the comments and I'll add it to the list.

~Walking into a room of people to see if I am the largest one in the room.
~Sitting in the back row because I worry about people not being able to see around me.
~Sitting in tight booths or tables close to each other where your chair backs up to someone else.
~Airplane seats
~Getting short of breath easily especially when walking with someone in shape and having to carry on a conversation with them at the same time.
~Having high blood pressure at such a young age (thankfully I have already overcome this one! No meds anymore and my blood pressure was normal when I went to the doctor!!)
~Being diagnosed with PCOS and fearing I won't be able to have children without fertility help.
~Dark hairs associated with the PCOS. ick!
~Lack of cute clothes for decent prices. Seriously....was at Cato the other day and walked over to the normal person side.  Same exact dress was about $4 cheaper.  Add that up over a whole wardrobe and that's a lot of money.
~Theater or Stadium seating.
~Going to a restaurant by myself and feeling like people are staring at me or feeling sorry for me.
~Being categorized as obese or even morbidly obese. 
~Going shopping with friends and only able to look at jewelry...or shop for them because I couldn't wear anything in the store.  ALL my freakin' life.
~Not being able to wear my wedding rings but not wanting to resize them even bigger.  Still can't get those puppies on comfortably! Geez!
~Wanting to get a massage but afraid of walking in and the masseuse cringing. I told you...psychological issues lol
~Analyzing any activity I do in terms of "will I be the largest one" or what the activity involves.
~Accessing a chair before I sit....."will this thing hold me?"
~Wanting another tattoo but afraid of where to put it so it doesn't get deformed as I lose weight.
~Feeling like I take up too much space on a couch if I'm at a get-together.
~Not wanting to post on Facebook that I'm doing a certain activity because of how people think (even though I have posted about boxing).....when I was in college, I posted that I was going for a run with my roommate on my IM messenger and a girl (that was dating my brother at the time) wrote and said "Yeh, you need to run, you fat ***!".  So yeh.  People are mean.

And again with the psychological issues.  I probably need a shrink.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Time to work!

I think the worst part about blogging is coming up with a title  lol  So this is going to be really confusing.  One post, I say I'm in a stall and the next I'm supposedly not.  Truth is.  I've only lost about 2 pounds in the past week and a half to two weeks.  To say it's frustrating is an understatement.  However, it's really my fault.  I haven't been exercising and I haven't been able to get my water in like I'm supposed to.  Truth is....I constantly have to remind myself of why I did this in the first place. 

I had my one month appointment yesterday (technically today is 5 weeks).  I told the PA that my scale hasn't moved in over a week.  She said I needed to up my calories and get in at least 1,000 calories all while keeping my carbs down to about 35.  That is difficult!  The great news though is that I was cleared for all exercise! YAY! So to celebrate, I went and joined the boxing club and did a class last night.  It felt so wonderful to actually be doing something.  Granted, I couldn't keep up with everything but I tried my best and that's all that matters.  I even got a new pair of pink boxing gloves for signing up.  I already had a blue pair so I opted for pink :)  Something odd about pounding on a heavy bag with pink gloves  lol  I haven't fully decided if I'm going to go back tonight or if I'm going to do every other night and on the nights I don't box, I'm going to start a strength training routine and do intervals on the treadmill.

Can you tell I'm ready to jump start this thing??  I am down 30 pounds total from March 5 when I started my pre-op diet.  My doctor's scales say a little differently but for consistency sake, I'm going by mine....plus I like them better  lol  30 pounds.  Some would say I'm a slow loser but I've never lost 30 pounds in a month and half before so I'm totally ok with that.  In fact, I'm down to where I was when I got married 6 years ago.  I haven't seen this weight since then.  I got close the last time I was going to the gym but my body just stopped losing.  My PA wants me to lose another 22 pounds by the time I go back (in 2 months).  So that will be 52 pounds total.  Wow.  I've totally got this! 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Or not...

So maybe I wasn't really on a real stall.  I lost a couple more pounds over the weekend! I'm down 28.6.... technically 30 though from what my highest weight was.  I had a NSV over the weekend.  I went to the store just to try stuff on for "fun" and I tried on a dress in a smaller size than I would normally try and it fit just fine.  It was still plus size as I will probably be there for a few more months (hopefully that's all) but down a size is down a size!  I ended up actually buying the dress as an incentive but I bought it from the "regular" side of the store in an XL.  We'll see!  My goal is to be able to wear it mid-June...or maybe the beginning of July.

I'm down 16.6lbs from my surgery date.  I have 5 more days until my One Month date.  I'm hoping to drop a few more pounds before I go to my one month appointment with the doctor.  They say that most people lose 20lbs the first month and I want to be one of those people.  They also say that on average, people lose 50lbs the first 3 months.  That is just mind boggling to me!

I'm doing ok with my food.  I'm not eating anything I'm not supposed to be.  I'm having a hard time getting calories in.  I seem to only be getting less than 600 calories.  I'm supposed to be between 800-1000.  I'm also having a super hard time getting my water in and I know that is a big problem if I can't seem to get a grip on that.

I have a lot of head hunger.  My eyes are definitely bigger than my belly because my eyes see what my portion size used to be.  So Saturday evening, we went to Chick fil a and I got chicken nuggets.  I ate 4 of them thinking surely that is about how many I would be able to eat.  I should have stopped at 3.  Now I know.  I need to learn to hear my body and know when it is full.  I'm getting used to measuring my food but when I go out to eat (which won't be often if I can help it), I won't know how much to have and I don't want to over do it.

On a super happy note....we are THIS close to booking a cruise in December with some friends that moved back to Michigan a while back.  We miss them terribly and are really looking forward to being able to go on vacation with them.  I'm just waiting to hear from work on whether they will approve the time off.  I'm crossing my fingers.  We are closed the whole following week due to Christmas so I'm just hoping they will let me out the week before too!

well....that's all I've got.  Not that anyone reads this anyway  lol  but if you do....feel free to drop a line just so I know I'm not talking out in la la land for nothing!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Getting by

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since the day of my surgery.  I am at what people would call a bit of a stall.  Thankfully I read that this is pretty normal since we are adding soft/moist foods back into our diet.  Therefore, water and exercise become even more important.  I'm having a really hard time getting my water in.  I'm supposed to drink 64 oz just like any random joe, however, somehow I have to do this while only being allowed to sip it AND I have to stop drinking 30 minutes before I eat and not drink 30 minutes afterwards AND they want me eating every 2-3 hours?  What in the world?  So it's difficult to say the least.  Although I am trying not to feel defeated over this...it's hard not to.  But I'm thankful for the facebook group I'm a part of and the forum that I've gone to.  Everyone is at different places in their weight loss so it helps those of us just starting to see what we have to look forward to as long as we stick to the plan.  So that's my goal for this week.  64 oz of water and at least 30 minutes of exercise....even though they say I should have 60 minutes every day, 30 minutes will have to be a start.  I'll be glad when I'm cleared for more exercise.  Walking gets boring to me.  I'm ready to start boxing!  Where I can really feel it all working.

Today, 2 people told me they can really tell a difference in me.  Which is nice.  I don't take a compliment very well.  I usually just brush it off and quickly change the subject.  I need to stop doing that.  I need to take pride in what I accomplish instead of being embarrassed by it.

So Saturday was my birthday. The big 2-9.  Blah.  I broke down Friday night because for one I was having my 2 oz of chicken salad while Darren enjoyed a burger and chicken nuggets from Wendy's and because I was going to have to spend most of my birthday alone.  These days, most social interactions seem to revolve around food and since I can't really eat much right now, I don't really think it's enjoyable to be stuck around everyone else eating and enjoying their food.  It's depressing really.  But I have to constantly remind myself of why I did this in the first place and that it will get better.  There will come a day where I can have my birthday cake or some other yummy food on special occasions.  So here's to next year when I hit 30 and it better be one heck of a party.  lol

Holding tight at -25.5lbs.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Just a thought (or two)

I am SO SO SO tired of this liquid diet phase.  I'm supposed to be on a liquid diet only until Wednesday (2 week mark of surgery) but tonight, I caved and made some egg salad and weighed out 2oz.  It was delicious.  Granted, I took 20 minutes to eat it to make sure I got it good and smooth but still....it was yummy.  Starting on Wednesday, I can start to substitute some of my protein shake with some other type of protein through soft, pureed, diced, ground food.  I can have eggs, tuna, yogurt, beans, etc.

In other news. I've lost 21 lbs.  Say WHAT?  Yeh, that's right.  That's 12 lbs before surgery and so far 9 lbs after surgery.  It hasn't even been 2 weeks so I will take that and run with it for sure.  I also did my measurements and have lost a few inches.

I am looking forward to my one month appointment and hopefully to be cleared for more strenuous exercise.  There is a new boxing club in Ballantyne and I am really looking forward to checking it out.  It's exactly what I've been looking for.  They have 48 heavy bags and then they classes that are basically just formed around hitting and kicking the bag.  Love it.

Umm.  I think that's all.  Except.  Is anyone watching Dancing with the Stars?  I don't normally but I just randomly decided to watch it tonight.  Wynonna Judd needs to go home.  This is a dancing show.  That was a train wreck.

Anyway.  Today was my first day back at work and it was pretty rough.  We are moving offices this week and I packed all my stuff before I took time off.  Tomorrow will probably be worse because I've already done everything I need to.  Wednesday should be better though.

K...that's really all :)